The Saddest Contextual Ads In The World.

I'm Bill Barol, and these Facebook ads make me want to cry.

"My friends call me Lobo. Sorry about your screen door, but I had to break it if I was gonna get in here to murder you. 
Heh. Just kidding. 
I don’t have any friends.”

"My friends call me Lobo. Sorry about your screen door, but I had to break it if I was gonna get in here to murder you. 

Heh. Just kidding. 

I don’t have any friends.”

"Okay. Let’s not kid each other. If you’re looking at this you’re a fifteen-year-old white boy and the closest thing you have to a public record is that time the cops wrote you up for winging batteries off the overpass. And if you’re not? If you’re actually an adult tax-paying person who’s gullible enough to click on a link because it’s got a picture of a mildly hot chick? You might have bigger problems than whether or not your phone number is publicly available. Either way, though? Doesn’t matter to us. We’ll appeal to your paranoia or your lust for underage girls. We get the click either way. Have a nice day."

"Okay. Let’s not kid each other. If you’re looking at this you’re a fifteen-year-old white boy and the closest thing you have to a public record is that time the cops wrote you up for winging batteries off the overpass. And if you’re not? If you’re actually an adult tax-paying person who’s gullible enough to click on a link because it’s got a picture of a mildly hot chick? You might have bigger problems than whether or not your phone number is publicly available. Either way, though? Doesn’t matter to us. We’ll appeal to your paranoia or your lust for underage girls. We get the click either way. Have a nice day."

"Oh, also? You know that little business you’ve spent years nurturing down on what used to be Main Street? …Yeah. Funny story."

"Oh, also? You know that little business you’ve spent years nurturing down on what used to be Main Street? …Yeah. Funny story."

I also heart binder clips and keys and sofa cushions and certain kinds of bricks! And sometimes I cry myself softly to sleep every night wondering where my life went so very, very wrong!

I also heart binder clips and keys and sofa cushions and certain kinds of bricks! And sometimes I cry myself softly to sleep every night wondering where my life went so very, very wrong!

We’ll teach YOU valuable tricks the so-called “publishing experts” DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW, like how to ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF POWERFUL CRITICS by STICKING A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL right between the pages of YOUR BOOK.

We’ll teach YOU valuable tricks the so-called “publishing experts” DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW, like how to ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF POWERFUL CRITICS by STICKING A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL right between the pages of YOUR BOOK.

Three of these people are dead. The others are just really unhappy. Fun party game: Try to figure out which is which!

Three of these people are dead. The others are just really unhappy. Fun party game: Try to figure out which is which!